For the Abuser


Perhaps you have an abuse problem, lots of people do. Violence is a learned behavior, what has been learned can be unlearned. It takes professional help and time but, you can be helped.
Are you unsure?
Ask yourself these questions and consider them as the warning signs of a problem.

• Was there violence in your family?
  
• Do you feel that sometimes you just snap and lose it?
  
• Is your partner afraid of you sometimes?
  
• Do you say or do things you later regret?
  
• During conflict do you often threaten someone, break things, punch walls, slam doors, ignore her, or leave?
  
• Do you have mood swings, where one moment you feel loving and affectionate, and the next moment angry and threatening?
  
• Have you ever used physical violence (shoved, grabbed, hit, slapped, choked, etc.) with your partner, or any past partners?
  
• Do you tend to blame others for your behavior, especially your partner?
  Are you a very jealous person?
  
• Do you try to control how your partner thinks, dresses, who they see, how they spend their time, and money?
  
• Do you try to discourage your partner from seeing friends or family?
  
• Do you get angry or resentful when your partner is successful in a job or hobby?
  
• Do your conversations quickly escalate into threats of separation or divorce?
  
• Do you ever threaten to hurt your partner, yourself, or others, if she talks about leaving you?
  
• Do you do or say things that are designed to make your partner feel "crazy" or "stupid"?
  
• Do you blame alcohol, drugs, stress, or other life events for your behavior?
  
• Do you feel guilty after aggressive behavior and strive for your partner's forgiveness?
  
• Do you think that you could never live without your partner, yet other times want her out?
  
• Do you use sex, money, or other favors as a way to "make up" after conflict?
  

Answering yes to any of these questions indicates an abuse problem.
To get respect you must give respect, not demand it.

Links that may help
The Abuser Pages
Blain Nelson's Abuse Pages
National Domestic Violence Agency
Anger Managment help center
ANGER MANAGEMENT